Thursday, April 4, 2013

No Means No

In my small little world of raising 2 kids, I find myself saying things over and over.  Maybe they are simple things like, use your fork or say please and thank you.  But some things that seem small could inevitably be life changing should my children not get the reason or meaning of what I am saying.  As I discussed recently, we are having a "tackling" issue here in the house.  Mini-Me is pretty vocal in what she is willing to participate in, so I find myself reminding the K-Man that he heard the words "No" from her and he needs to respect that.  No means No.

Such a simple little word and concept to us, except when awful things happen in the world and you realize that me teaching him just that is extremely important!  The problem is that he doesn't seem to be catching on as quickly as I would think.  The boy just turned 5, 2 months ago.  His is intelligent, no delays, etc.  So what am I doing wrong?  We have tried rewards, punishments, ignoring, yelling, redirection, but nothing quite does the trick.  I took some education classes.  I know the techniques, but still can't seem to make them work here in my own home.  I know that negative reinforcement is not the preferred method, yet so far it is the one thing that gets his attention faster than anything else - at least for a moment.  That is just it, though, it lasts for a moment.  I guess that is why it isn't preferred.

The thing is, K-Man isn't malicious.  It isn't that he wants to hurt his sister, or ignore my wishes.  You can see genuine emotion when he is corrected or that happens.  He just can't seem to control himself once he gets all excited and that scares me.  Even if it is just learning that my daughter's verbal cues or blatant no's still mean no, he needs to understand that it is a sign of respect.  Just as it is a sign of respect to understand if Mom says no, you don't keep asking or you stop.  There are so many reasons understanding this concept is great for him.  I refuse to stop trying.

Any advice out there from the moms that have already encountered this?  Is it just the age, and he will get it?  Or is there some method I need to stick with?  HELP!

7 comments:

  1. My big guy is 6 weeks from turning five and the respect issue is a BATTLE. It's actually one of the main reasons I just hate him waking up in the morning because it's an up hill battle all day of obstinance and disrespect. Maybe it is just the age, but I am exhausted!

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    1. That makes me feel better. I am absolutely exhausted too!

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  2. Bless you for recognizing the importance of this lesson and working on instilling it in him! I wish more people were this conscious of it when raising their children.

    I don't know if this will help, but consider talking to him about how Mini-Me might feel when he does things like that. "That scares her. Please ask if she's okay." etc That way he can understand that there's an emotional component there and that it's important for him to check on her well-being.

    Dunno how helpful that is, but hopefully with you working on it, he'll understand soon!

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    1. Thanks, Kacie. That is helpful. Another aspect I can add and I think will help!

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  3. Hang in there Susan. You are a great mom.

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  4. I am not a mom, but I was a good bit older than my brother and sister and my brother was rough growing up, my mom stayed the course and never gave up on punishments- she was consistent, and I dont know why/how it finally clicked, but its like he hit junior high and mellowed out- he is now one of the most laid back people I know. Its like all the craziness got out when he was young- I know thats not super helpful, but being consistent is important! You are doing great! :)

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  5. As you know, I have an almost-thirteen-year-old boy. The boy is the one who doesn't seem to catch on to correction/redirection, like ever. I, too, have tried absolutely everything. I am an educator for 18 years. I know this shit. But, it is hardest with our own kids. I would encourage you to persist, be consistent, use varied techniques until something works more than not, and just be tough. This parenting shit is not for the weak. Hugs.

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Thanks for leaving a comment! Look forward to more :) ~ Susan